Desire

Human existence is hopelessly riddled with desire. Desire is something experienced on a day to day basis by each and every person living out their existences on this rock called earth, driving, compelling, pushing people to farther and crazier ends than imagined by others to fulfill their desire(s). But what desire drives people? What desire makes people get up in the morning? What desire makes people do the insane things they do? What desire, when left unfulfilled, drives people to suicide?

It seems that every day people are seeking, primarily, the approval of those around them. All they want to hear is "job well done." We want to feel essential; special; necessary for anything at all. We slave every day, not simply to get a paycheck at the end of the month, but to "make something of ourselves." Granted, there are those who struggle just to survive and who endure agony simply to feed themselves (enter heirarchy of needs... i won't go off on a tangent right now though.) Even in such a situation, however, the underlying need just to be someone. We want to experience, not merely desire, but to be desired. We want love. Simple love that tells us that we are more than what we do, and that who we are is not a function of what others tell us. We want peace; we want desprately to be safely held, and to know what it's like to be secure. We want attention. We want to be significant. We want purpose outside of our 9-5 clocktime controlled existences that threaten to smother every ounce of our strenght, to know what it's like to be free. We want to be free from the voice that speaks from deep, "you're worthless." "you're a mistake." "you'll never amount to anything." "you're unnecessary." (i reiterate for effect) "you're worthless." We want so badly to HAVE the affirmation of others without NEEDING it. We wish to be loved for who we are, not for what we have to offer.

This desire, this deep hunger for security, drives us to ridiculous ends. I read Nouwen's "Life of the Beloved" last month, and he suggested that the AIDS problem is a message being sent out that says, "it is better to die than to live lonely and unwanted." This could very well be true. Many of us endure some kind of pain or sacrifice simply to be told that we belong. It confuses us; we want independence and autonomy so badly, yet we want to be held and be secure just as much. It confuses me anyways. I leave you my thoughts. Leave me your comments in return.